Yesterday was Easter, but it didn't feel like Easter.
Our usual routine for Easter is to have egg dying and an easter egg hunt on Saturday and then the Easter Bunny is also invited to our home on Saturday so that we do not disrupt the spirit on Sunday. This year though Peekaboo feels too old for Easter Egg hunts and egg decorating and as soon as she found her easter basket all filled she grabbed it and ran into the bedroom (so I didn't even get a picture). All of Saturday felt warped, wierd.... ODD.
Sunday I awoke excited to go to church and celebrate Christ's resurrection. My daughter actually came to church with us and I felt happy and content, but it didn't quite feel like Easter but I thought to myself that it was just low key. THEN we went to dinner at our Nephew and Niece in Laws. A Lovely sit down dinner, lovingly prepared, beautifully served, yummy to eat. And yet, I am accustomed to a heavy dose of religion with my Easter dinner. Watching my extended family dish up their foods, sit down and start to eat was confusing to my poor soul. I said my own prayer over my dinner but I felt isolated.
I realize that I'm at a crossroads. How to combine my love of holidays and my need for religion in my life with my new family line up. I guess it's going to take time and a lot more adaptation before I figure it out.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A new prayer
I have been experimenting a bit on prayer. All my life I have been taught the order of prayer. First address my father in heaven, second thank him for my blessings, third ask for whatever is needful and last finish in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Over the course of years I have discovered that my prayers have become more ritual than thoughtful. More of a recitation of previously thought out words. I have been attempting to break that pattern. Starting about 2 months ago I began stretching myself more during my prayer times. I slowed my thoughts and pondered carefully what I wanted to say. During our family prayer time I have received a lot of agitation from our daughter because my prayers are too slow and too long. I, however, have been finding more peace. I have not found my burdens to be lifted but I have found I am more aware of others burdens. I have not had my trials miraculously fixed but instead have found my trials are getting deeper requiring more deep communion with the Lord. I am enjoying my personal time in communion with my Father in Heaven.
One subject that I have chosen to address more and more is my own concern for the politics and leaders of our city, state and ultimately country. At first my prayers were more addressing concerns about the political problems and issues I was following, eventually I found my prayers began to grow to encompass my political leaders, whether or not I approved of them or not. I am a political moderate. I lean neither far right nor far left. I prefer balance and looking at both sides. Some find my political views to be annoying because we moderates are capable of tipping the scales to one side or the other without warning. I have mostly been peaceful with my choices. However, the last 5 years or so have found a shift in my thinking. My views are always based on my religious faith and I have been upset by venomous attacks on Faith (of all kinds but specifically Christianity). Those who attack the faithful are unknowingly causing a polarization, causing the moderates to drastically choose sides. But, I digress as I am off topic. The point I attempt to make is that I have become agitated politically in a way I never was before. I wanted to know what the Lord wanted of me in reference to politics and so I prayed and my answer came back, to pray for my leaders. I find peace in praying for my leaders. I pray that they will have wisdom, and strength. I pray that they will feel the Lord's direction and follow it. I pray that those around them will allow things to move forward. that this political stagnation will abate. I don't believe my prayers truly make a difference FOR THEM, but I do believe it does for me. I do believe that if more of us pray for our leaders instead of praying for our agendas that perhaps hearts will soften....of course I could be wrong......
One subject that I have chosen to address more and more is my own concern for the politics and leaders of our city, state and ultimately country. At first my prayers were more addressing concerns about the political problems and issues I was following, eventually I found my prayers began to grow to encompass my political leaders, whether or not I approved of them or not. I am a political moderate. I lean neither far right nor far left. I prefer balance and looking at both sides. Some find my political views to be annoying because we moderates are capable of tipping the scales to one side or the other without warning. I have mostly been peaceful with my choices. However, the last 5 years or so have found a shift in my thinking. My views are always based on my religious faith and I have been upset by venomous attacks on Faith (of all kinds but specifically Christianity). Those who attack the faithful are unknowingly causing a polarization, causing the moderates to drastically choose sides. But, I digress as I am off topic. The point I attempt to make is that I have become agitated politically in a way I never was before. I wanted to know what the Lord wanted of me in reference to politics and so I prayed and my answer came back, to pray for my leaders. I find peace in praying for my leaders. I pray that they will have wisdom, and strength. I pray that they will feel the Lord's direction and follow it. I pray that those around them will allow things to move forward. that this political stagnation will abate. I don't believe my prayers truly make a difference FOR THEM, but I do believe it does for me. I do believe that if more of us pray for our leaders instead of praying for our agendas that perhaps hearts will soften....of course I could be wrong......
Sunday, April 3, 2011
food for thought
I have a rather stressful relationship with food. I don't think it's a unique relationship. I know others have that same kind of reaction to food.
As a child I was a picky eater. A lot of foods upset my stomach and a lot of textures provoked unpleasant reactions. To me, most food was a duty. Something to do so that my stomach didn't hurt or so my mom wouldn't be upset. The only exception is that ever popular one....sweets. I love sweets. My affection for garbage food was not a problem when I was younger since my metabolism ran so stinkin' fast. However- at approximately age 20 my metabolism altered (code word for sssssssssssssssslllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddd ddddddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnn) ,my metabolism slowed at about the same time as I got married and was introduced to new foods and new eating patterns. Suddenly I could eat kinda whatever I wanted, when i wanted to without explaining it to anyone. I discovered a whole new world of food I'd never really experienced (cheese) because my digestive system had altered during my late teens. I suddenly enjoyed food.
BUT. I had 2 problems.
1.) I didn't know how to balance a healthy diet with the foods I suddenly liked.
2.) I didn't know how to cook
my 20's were an interesting smorgasbord of interesting culinary concoctions (undercooked, over cooked). My loving hubby ate it all and then gave me ice cream to make all of the bad food taste OK.
So, I gained weight & I became a pretty good cook.
Then, comes that day when gaining weight is NOT only NOT ok but I'm actually gonna fight it. What do we do first? We change what we're eating. I ate grilled chicken, fish, chicken, fish, chicken, fish....all with a HUGE salad and plenty of veggies and fruit. I lost a lot of weight. But, I was bored. My family was bored. Cooking healthy is expensive. The ingredients to a lot of 'healthy' meals is frequently extensive and exhaustive. So, I returned to comfort foods, and I got comfortable again and I gained weight, again.
repeat many, many, many times.
Well, I've had it. I'm tired of feeling like food's my enemy. I'm tired of looking into my pantry with that extreme sense of dread (do I cook something we like? or do I cook something healthy for us??). So, I'm taking calories out of the mix. (well, not entirely- I'm not stupid).
For the next month I am going to cook as many new meals as I can. (My family will love me, I already know!!!). I'm gonna try whatever I can think of . I'm going to eat small portions, but I will eat!!!! I will not feel guilty (repeat to self 40,000 times in the next 30 days!). I will continue to run and do pilates and whatever else appeals to me but I will enjoy my food!!!
I feel free!
As a child I was a picky eater. A lot of foods upset my stomach and a lot of textures provoked unpleasant reactions. To me, most food was a duty. Something to do so that my stomach didn't hurt or so my mom wouldn't be upset. The only exception is that ever popular one....sweets. I love sweets. My affection for garbage food was not a problem when I was younger since my metabolism ran so stinkin' fast. However- at approximately age 20 my metabolism altered (code word for sssssssssssssssslllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddd ddddddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnn) ,my metabolism slowed at about the same time as I got married and was introduced to new foods and new eating patterns. Suddenly I could eat kinda whatever I wanted, when i wanted to without explaining it to anyone. I discovered a whole new world of food I'd never really experienced (cheese) because my digestive system had altered during my late teens. I suddenly enjoyed food.
BUT. I had 2 problems.
1.) I didn't know how to balance a healthy diet with the foods I suddenly liked.
2.) I didn't know how to cook
my 20's were an interesting smorgasbord of interesting culinary concoctions (undercooked, over cooked). My loving hubby ate it all and then gave me ice cream to make all of the bad food taste OK.
So, I gained weight & I became a pretty good cook.
Then, comes that day when gaining weight is NOT only NOT ok but I'm actually gonna fight it. What do we do first? We change what we're eating. I ate grilled chicken, fish, chicken, fish, chicken, fish....all with a HUGE salad and plenty of veggies and fruit. I lost a lot of weight. But, I was bored. My family was bored. Cooking healthy is expensive. The ingredients to a lot of 'healthy' meals is frequently extensive and exhaustive. So, I returned to comfort foods, and I got comfortable again and I gained weight, again.
repeat many, many, many times.
Well, I've had it. I'm tired of feeling like food's my enemy. I'm tired of looking into my pantry with that extreme sense of dread (do I cook something we like? or do I cook something healthy for us??). So, I'm taking calories out of the mix. (well, not entirely- I'm not stupid).
For the next month I am going to cook as many new meals as I can. (My family will love me, I already know!!!). I'm gonna try whatever I can think of . I'm going to eat small portions, but I will eat!!!! I will not feel guilty (repeat to self 40,000 times in the next 30 days!). I will continue to run and do pilates and whatever else appeals to me but I will enjoy my food!!!
I feel free!
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